The Final Outtakes
by Nymbis
Summary: Five scenes from The Final Eclipse that you really, really didn’t need to see. Hidden Scene: There can only be one. Winner of Best Multichaptered Comedy, DOTM Awards 08!
1. Stanton's Inner Vader

**The Final Outtakes**

**AN: **I loved this book for its sheer humor. Really, I know that it was meant to be serious overall, but I think the fantastic Ms. Ewing threw in a few jabs in the process. There was a lot of cracktastic wonder in the book. And I, I shall be making fun of it. Remember, I mock with love! I think only Star Wars fans will get this one though.

**One: **Stanton Channels His Inner Vader

"Stay and reign with me," Stanton asked the love of his life seriously, his very heartbeat dependant on the answer as he stared soulfully into her eyes. Around them, the shadows of Nefandus whirled chaotically and Serena swallowed dryly.

Vanessa was already sprinting towards the portal, desperate to get back to her own time and save her man. Serena grasped Stanton's forearm one last time, before she sprinted after the blonde goddess without looking back.

Overcome with raw emotion, Stanton sunk to his knees. He cradled his head in his hands before throwing his arms into the air and letting loose a primal scream.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"

Serena sauntered back slowly, remembering that she had forgotten her purse.

"-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

She snuck back out.

The remaining Regulators watched as the once feared Immortal continued to yell, completely oblivious to everything as he threw his head back.

"Drama queen," whispered one. Several nodded in agreement.


	2. Sexy's Back

_The Final Outtakes_

**AN: **Sorry updates are kind of slow. But you know, life. Cue the heavy sigh. If you guys want to see anything specific, let me know and I'll add extra scenes :o)

**Two: **Sexy's Back

Tymmie suppressed the shudder that crawled down his spine as he navigated through the dark, underground tunnel. Several doors lined a long hallway, and he passed by rooms that were labeled TOBY, MALCOLM, AURA, HECTOR, TAEMESTRA, among various others. This place gave him the creeps.

The place? The Hall of Lost Plot Devices, a hidden chamber where characters that were only used to further the plot resided after they came to their anticlimactic end. Tymmie had been avoiding this area like the plague, especially when he witnessed first hand how it sucked up Lambert, spewing out some oddly familiar looking Follower named Adamantis to replace him.

Tymmie finally reached one of the older doors, where the characters from long, long ago resided eternally. Brushing back cobwebs, and scraping off the grime, Tymmie exhaled when he discovered that he had found the right room.

"Karyl?" He said, knocking on the door.

No response.

"Karyl?" He tried again, louder this time.

Ominously, the door creaked open, and Tymmie sauntered in carefully. "Karyl?" He asked in bewilderment, seeing that the room was decked head to toe in the latest gym equipment. A lone figure sat in the corner.

"Karly? Is that you?" Tymmie hardly recognized his best friend as he sat on a bench, pumping dumbbells, "What are you doing?"

"Can't talk," Karyl said robotically, lifting the weights up and down frantically. Sweat glistened on his forehead, "Must…strengthen…sex…appeal…"

Tymmie gawked at him, "What?"

"There's only one book left! If I continue to seem unattractive, I'll _never _get anymore face time!" Karyl glanced up, and Tymmie shirked back at the half-crazed look in his eyes, "Do you know how embarrassing it would be to be remembered as Cassandra's lackey? _Do you?!_"

Tymmie wisely took a few steps backwards, "Hey man, chill out."

"Easy for you to say, you sexy Infidi Follower you!" Karyl had moved on to bench pressing. "Leave me alone! I've got iron to pump and body mass to establish!"

Tymmie blinked, "Don't you want food? Fresh air? You've been couped up in here an awfully long-"

"No time! Must emasculate!" Karyl began to bench press with added vigor.

"Right…well…I'll come get you in December then…" Tymmie trailed off awkwardly, slowly backing out of the fitness gym.

"I'll be ready," Karyl's eyes narrowed, "_Oh, _I'll be ready."


	3. The Key

**AN: **This one is a crossover chapter. Sorry in advance if you don't know the reference ) :

**The Key**

"…and what did you say your name was again?" Stanton asked dumbly as he stared at the three intruders who had somehow managed to sneak into Nefandus. To his side stood Serena, gaping openly in shock.

"Sora." Said the kid with spiky brown hair and an outfit that made him look like a pubescent bondage slave.

"And your…um…friends?" He pressed stupidly, looking at the large, talking dog carrying a shield and a rather foul-tempered little duck.

"Er, gawrsh, my name's Goofy," the big dog said amiably, extending out a hand for a shake. Stupidly, Serena offered her own hand, vaguely remembering that she had taught Wally this trick once.

"Donald Duck," the other grumbled in irritation, crossing his arms and tapping his foot impatiently.

"That's nice…" Stanton's eyebrows formed a V shape, "And you said you were here to…?"

Sora smiled, and with a flick of his wrist a large, key-shaped blade appeared in his hand, "I'm here to lock the doors to darkness and to stop the Heartless!"

Serena blushed, awkwardly shifting her weight from foot to foot, "I'm sorry, but I already did that."

Sora gaped at her in disbelief, "What?!"

"I'm a key too, and I already closed the portals," she elaborated with an impish grin.

The boy gave a huge groan, flicking his wrist so the keyblade disappeared, "Aw, man, you've _got _to be kidding me!" He said to the constantly dark sky. "Stupid Merlin!"

Serena and Stanton shared a nervous glance at each other. This kid was weird.

"If you'd like, you're welcome to stay in Nefandus…" Stanton offered blankly, obviously not too enthused about the idea.

The boy waved his hand dismissively, "No thanks, I've got to get going." He gave Serena a speculative look, "You're not a Princess of Heart by any chance, are you?"

"My dad's a financial advisor."

Sora sighed, looking sort of crestfallen, "Oh." His face brightened again, "You haven't happened to see a boy with silver hair named Riku have you? Or a girl named Kairi?"

"No, sorry." Stanton replied rather flippantly.

"Sora, let's get going!" Donald grumbled, already waddling off somewhere in a huff.

"Garwsh, Donald's right Sora." Goofy turned to the reigning monarchs of Nefandus, "It sure was nice to meet you though!" He said with a smile before following after the angry duck.

"Sorry," Serena apologized, although she wasn't sure what for.

The pout on Sora's face disappeared, "It's alright, this place is kind of…" he struggled to find a diplomatic word for Nefandus.

"We're remodeling," Stanton said dryly.

"Cool," Sora said noncommittally, "Well, got to go!" With that, he started jogging after Donald Duck and Goofy, the keyblade reappearing in his hand.

Serena turned to Stanton, "He seemed like a sweet kid."

Stanton snorted, "He seemed like a stupid kid."

Serena rolled her eyes, "Come visit anytime you like!" Serena called after the trio.

"Provided it's not very long!" Echoed Stanton.

---

**AN (II) **The end of the book really seemed like Kingdom Hearts to me…er…yeah. Now I really want to write a Serena x Sora fic. Must…resist…. (although I think Riku and Stanton would get along fabulously!)


	4. Why They Didn't Do Anything

**AN: **I promise, after this I'm going to stop spamming the DOTM page/mailboxes. I just...have...no...self...control...

**Why They Didn't Do Anything**

"Collin, there's an emergency and it could be the end of…the…world…" Jimena proclaimed as she entered the Killingsworth home, her tone of distress dropping in shock as she reached the living room where Collin was sitting.

He looked…a little worse for wear. Around him were piles upon piles of takeout and pizza boxes, as well as several empty energy drinks. He himself was completely immersed in a beanbag chair, eyes glued to the screen of the widescreen television the Killingsworths suddenly owned. In his hands was a PS2 controller.

"Collin, what are you doing?" Jimena demanded rather crossly, "I've been looking everywhere for you and you didn't answer your phone-"

"Shh," Collin said, his eyes wide and blood shot as he angled his arms, his head tilting to get a better look at the screen, "Shitshitshitshit-!"

"Collin are you even listening to me?!" Jimena demanded, starting to get angry.

"Fuck!" Collin cried angrily as he forcibly chucked the controller at the television. He turned on Jimena, an angry snarl on his face, "I just died! I didn't even get to the friggin save point! GAH!!" He cried, picking up the controller only to chuck it at the tv again.

Jimena watched the bizarre display with a mixture of concern and anger, "Collin, Serena's been kidnapped and is being held hostage on Nefandus-"

"Meh," Collin said, restarting the game with his toe so he didn't have to get up from his chair.

"We need to go help them!" She growled, now beyond pissed.

"Okay, cool. Just let me level first." Collin replied distractedly, button mashing like a pro.

"Damn it, Collin, what's gotten into you?!" Jimena yelled in his face.

Collin sighed heavily, pressed pause, and looked up at his girlfriend, "Look, just chill. After I level we can go, okay? It won't take long."

Jimena scowled, not liking this attitude at all, "Fine." She said, "But be quick or I'm chucking that thing out the window."

Collin nodded distractedly, "Die! Die! Die!" He shouted, one of his characters killing an enemy with a huge sword.

Jimena continued to watch, "So, um…those are the bad guys?" She tried really hard not to sound interested.

"Yeah, they're called fiends."

"What are they trying to do?" Jimena asked, her tone curious.

"They're trying to help Sin, the main bad guy, take over the entire world and destroy hope."

Jimena's eyes widened, "Sin…wants to…destroy hope?"

Collin nodded morosely, "Yeah, it's up to a chick with magical powers to stop him."

"Who's the dumb blond guy?"

"That's Tidus, he's into extreme sports and he's kind of the magical chick's boyfriend."

"…Huh."

Jimena continued to watch, enraptured with how Collin was playing the game with the _very _pretty colors and music. After a few moments, the yellow Level Up! bar flickered and Collin sighed, setting down the controller.

"Alright, now what were you saying about Nefandus?"

Jimena instantly snatched the controller away from Collin, "Never mind that- we have to save the world!"

Collin grinned, "Score!"

---

**AN: **Because I like the idea of Jimena and Collin being too busy playing Final Fantasy better than them just being jerks who didn't want to save Serena.


	5. There's a Plot Hole on the Loose!

**AN **This is the last one of mine, but there's one more chapter in store after this ; ) and then…It. Is. Finished!

**There's a Plot Hole on the Loose!**

The girl, with long flowing blonde hair and beautiful eyes smiled as she inhaled deeply, taking in the wonderful Los Angeles air. "Ah, finally I've arrived…towards Destiny!"

Someone honked for her to get out of the road. She gingerly sidestepped out of the street where she had been previously blocking traffic.

"It's time for me to reveal myself as The Child of Penelope and Hector, uncovering a hidden and complex prophecy that will unearth The True Purpose of the Daughters and Vanquish The Atrox Once and For All!" She said cheerfully, a magical wind lofting through her cascades of hair and making her appear otherworldly.

The Child of Penelope and Hector who would uncover a hidden and complex prophecy that will unearth The True Purpose of the Daughters and Vanquish The Atrox Once and For All took to the streets of Los Angeles, searching for the Daughters of the Moon so she could get this plan in motion. It wasn't everyday that such a huge and central figure to the plot such as herself arrived, after all, and she was sure the Daughters of the Moon were greatly anticipating her arrival. They were probably in tears of worry, not knowing if she, The Important Plot Device Character, would arrive on time to save the world perfectly.

Using her Plot Device Character powers, the Child of Penelope and Hector…et al, found herself standing outside of an apartment building, knowing that this is where her mother- the all powerful Magna Mater- resided.

However, the Plot Device Character forgot to mapquest her mother's abode, so she did not know the specific address. But fortune smiled on the Plot Device, as a young man eating a corn dog was leaning against the mailbox. Surely he would know where to find the Magna Mater?

"You there, young sir!" cried out the Plot Device, her voice like a seraphim's choir.

The guy with the corn dog stopped chewing long enough to point to himself in disbelief.

She nodded, "Yes, you!"

The guy looked longingly at his corn dog before sighing, dumping the remainder of the food into a wastebasket. There was an otherworldly glow about this chick, and he knew he was in for a long haul of exposition and great quests. Chicks in Los Angeles with otherworldy glows _always_ caused problems.

"What do you want?" He grumbled.

The Plot Device blinked, large, crystal blue eyes, "Might I inquire your name?"

He groaned. He was _so _not in the mood for this crap, "It's Murray."

She clasped her hands under her chin, and battered her eyelashes, "What a _strong, manly _name!"

Murray shrugged, "Sure."

Noticing that perhaps Murray was not her True Wub, she switched her tactics, "I am the true daughter of Penelope and Hector, a goddess that was sent here to vanquish the Atrox-"

"Oh great," Murray said sourly. He _knew _this was going to take a while.

The Plot Device glared at him, "What?" She snapped, not liking her predestined introduction being interrupted.

"The Atrox is already destroyed. You're late." He said in a detached tone.

Her eyes narrowed dangerously, "What do you _mean _I'm late?! They can't _possibly _defeat the Atrox without _me-"_

Murray shrugged, "Sorry. They did. It's all done."

"But-!"

"It's done. They didn't need you."

"That's impossible!" The Plot Device snarled.

Murray bashed his palm against his face, "Look, lady, I'm tired and I've got an entire mortal existence to cope with so if you could take your melodramatics elsewhere, like to Karyl-"

"No! You just listen! I'm Im. Port. Ant! I am the _freaking _kid of _freaking _Penelope and Hector. Don't you know who I am?!" She yelled at the top of her lungs.

Murray frowned, "No, I don't. And I don't care. The war's over already, wrapped up pretty quick. Now if you don't mind, I have some TiVo and a slurpee waiting for me at home-"

The Plot Device's lower lip quibbled and she dropped elegantly to her knees. She cradled her face in her hands and cried despondently, "Oh, what is my purpose now?! I existed only to destroy the Atrox, and it's already destroyed…" cue the sniffling and solitary tear down her cheek, "Whatever am I to do? Where should I go? What will BECOME OF ME?!"

Murray gave another apathetic shrug before fishing around the dumpster, "Corn dog?" He offered.


	6. Hidden Scene: Battle of the Bitches

**AN **Inspired by _Virgo0823 _: )

**Hidden Scene: Battle of the Bitches**

The weight of the baseball bat in her hands was oddly comforting, and she gave it an experimental swing to test its range. A sound 'thwack!' was heard as it collided with the watermelon on top of the ledge. Yes, this one would do nicely.

Jessica, normally a very pretty girl with a very petty personality, was decked head to toe in battle gear. Shin guards were on, concealer was painted on as war paint, and thick, sharp rings glinted around her fingers. It was her time to shine, and come hell or high water, she was going to get rid of the competition.

The alleyway was dark, and bluish smoke clouded and overfilled the street, causing an eerie haze. Jessica's eyes narrowed, and her manicured hands clenched around the handle of the bat. They would be here soon.

The sound of sharp stilettos against the concrete street alerted Jessica, and she turned in time to see Morgan enter the alleyway. In her hands was a long, deadly looking metal chain that she twirled experimentally like a whip. She too, was covered in protective yet highly vogue and so in right now armor.

"I see you showed," she said cattily.

"Like I'm going to let Miss _So _Last Year show me up," she sneered.

Morgan's mouth dropped, and the chain jerked forward, severing what was left of the watermelon, "Oh, bitch, it is _so _on!"

"Hardly, I'm going to wipe the floor with you two bitches," called a rather confident voice as Cassandra strolled into the alley, mesh and leather battle outfit donned and a pocket knife in her hand that she spun between her two fingers. "I was _created_ to bring the cattiness and pain." She paused, "Sluts." She added just for full effect.

"Excuse me? What is that, an outfit or a reject from the fetish shop?" Commented Morgan.

"Yeah," Jessica agreed with a downright bitchy smirk, "Marilyn Manson called, he wants his assless chaps back!"

"How dare you insult my assless chaps-"

"Hey guys, sorry we're late!" Interrupted a perky voice as Kelly cart wheeled into the alley, doing a handspring too for good measure. Beside her strolled Payasa and that one girl who Derek cheated on Tianna with but no one really likes anyway so who cares if she isn't named.

Kelly strapped on brass knuckles while Payasa pulled out a pipe from her pants (don't ask how it got there) and the one girl just sharpened her unnaturally long claws, er, nails. "What are the rules?"

Cassandra cleared her throat, "The rules are simple. Last one standing gets to appear as The Bitch in the last Daughters of the Moon book."

The one girl shifted uncomfortably, "Why can't we all just be in the story-"

"THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!" Growled Jessica viciously.

The girl wisely pulled out a nail file.

Morgan glanced around the crowd of girls, "Where's Yvonne?"

"She had an appointment with her stylist for new highlights." Cassandra said.

Everyone fell silent and reverently nodded. They all knew the importance of healthy hair care.

"So is everyone ready?" Cassandra barked.

The girls all nodded.

"It begins." Whispered Payasa, before all hell broke loose.

Hair was pulled, Prada was torn, nails were broken, and designer shoes were coated in blood. Payasa went first, hit in the back of the head and rendered unconscious by Kelly's super-spirit kick. Kelly, in turn, soon found it hard to be spirited when Cassandra cut her Achilles' tendon. And while Cassandra was preoccupied with rendering Kelly high-kick powerless, the one girl raked her nails across her face. While this was not life threatening, it still kind of hurt, and Cassandra decided that she had enough of this because page time was nice, but her face was _forever_. Morgan managed to aim a perfect blow at Jessica, but Jessica slipped on the shattered watermelon and thus avoided the chain to her face. Morgan, not anticipating this odd form of Chekhov's Gun, was then clocked in the face with her own weapon. From her new low vantage point, it was easy for Jessica to knock out Payasa's kneecaps.

Slowly, she stood, clapping her hands together.

"That's right whores, guess who gets to be the slutty, spiteful friend of Vanessa and/or Jimena _now_!"

The dust settled. There was a new bitch in town.


End file.
